The Smoking Whoopee Cushion
by TRUE-OUTCAST-NATION
Summary: A mysteriously severe outbreak of prank crimes has been occuring all over town and with Clyde being one of the first few victims to be caught in the crossfire Lincoln must put aside his pride to form a very unlikely team up with his hard boiled ex-dirty safety patrol cop of a rival to solve this growing case, before it's too late.
1. Act-I A Screaming Cream Pie Drive-by

It was just another day at Royal Woods Elementary School as Lincoln was present in class trying to desperately stay awake during an unnaturally boring film documentary on the origin of the first bicycle ever made wanting to join his fellow classmates who already failed the tiresome battle snoring loudly with their heads laid on top of their desks, just moments before Lincoln's eyelids grew too heavy to stay awake a sudden spine chilling cry echoed through the halls waking up the entire class. Lincoln was the first to spring into action leaping from his desk and bursting through the classroom door running down the halls as fast as his legs could carry him only to skid to a stop witnessing the aftermath of what could be described as a total disaster.

Molly Walkins, a well known and quite popular face of the 6th graders was currently sitting down on the floor of the halls with her back against the wall, her entire body covered in white frosting like cream from head to toe as she sat there completely dazed like she had just gotten hit by a truck. Said "truck" must of been in a real hurry to get out of the halls seeing the streak marks of tire tracks on the floor quickly fleeing from the scene probably several crucial minutes before Lincoln could even arrive to spot the person who did this. This, was now a crime scene.

"Lincoln! What happened-Oh no! Molly!" Clyde shouted upon finally catching up to his best friend only to drop down to his knees and covering his mouth in sheer shock of the tragedy of the 6th grader.

It wasn't long before the hall was flooded with civilians who were just as shocked to see the sight having to watch their steps carefully to avoid the many massive puddles of whip cream, there was so many stains all over the hall it looked like a cream pie bomb went off. Soon the crowd parted as the Principal Huggins himself made an appearance finally making his way to the very front as he too was surprised to see what had happened to Molly.

"Ok ok! That's enough! Don't crowd the poor girl, give her some room!" The Principal commanded gesturing the large crowd to back away a bit when several looking prodigy members of the Junior News Reporter's Club managed to squeeze their way to the front wanting to ask some questions about the incident.

"Principal Huggins! Principal Huggins, what can you tell us about what has just happened here in these halls?" One girl asked holding a microphone up to the older man's lips while her male twin parter held up his cellphone to record the man's answers.

"Unfortunately I only know as much about the incident in question as you do at the moment. Which is why I am launching a full scale investigation and locking down the halls until we find the ones responsible for this mess...literally, because our usual janitor just called in sick today. That is all, now back to class or detention for the lot of ya!'

With that verbal threat of a warning the crowd quickly dispersed leaving behind only Lincoln and Clyde still standing at the Principal's feet.

"Didn't you two hear me? I said off to class!"

"Oh we did, quite clearly. But we figured you probably might need our help solving this horrible prank crime." Lincoln explained nudging his elbow against the man's side.

"Ugh, prank crimes…..the absolute worst legal thing that a student can do on my campus, bah! Makes me sick to my stomach knowing that hooligan is out there running scott free in MY halls."

"Exactly! So where are we on this whole investigation thing?"

"WE, won't be doing anything of the sort." Principal Huggins insisted picking up the dizzy cream coated Molly and briskly walking past the two boys heading in the direction of the Nurse's office.

"What? I thought you said you were doing an investigation!"

"Yeah! You can't go back on your word!" Clyde added in protest.

"For your information McBride I am not going against my word. I just won't be participating in the investigation process, instead I will be leaving the case to the best of the safety patrol officers."

"Best of the safety patrol officers? Wait...you don't mean-" Lincoln and Clyde asked in perfect unison in fear of who the Principal had in mind.

"Jack Robbins, of course."

"Jack!?! But why? Of all people, why Jack!?! Why give him the job?" Lincoln asked point blank surprised hearing that dreaded name again.

"Because Robbins has been the most productive and dedicated member of the safety patrol force ever since he first enrolled here."

"But he got kicked off the force for a whole month! He is a no good crooked cop!"

"Now that is enough! I will not stand here and listen to you talk badly about your fellow student, that is a form of bullying you know and you are risking getting suspended for it!"

"Bullying? That guy muscles down anyone who crosses him in the halls!"

"They didn't have the required hallpasses to roam the halls like they should have, therefore Robbins was only doing his job."

"But ...but…"

"One more word on the matter Mr.Loud and you can spend the evening in detention!"

"Lincoln! Enough ..." Clyde silently pleaded pulling against his best friend's shirt sleeve.

Lincoln sighed aloud and stormed off all the same, frankly he wasn't upset that specifically Jack Robbins got the job but more than he wanted to be the investigator and show off his detective skills just like his card themed superhero idol Ace Savvy! But it just didn't seem to be….

"Cheer up buddy, you may not get the opportunity to become like Ace Savvy but at least we can rest easy knowing Molly's cream covered face won't be in vain." Clyde offered walking alongside him trying to comfort Lincoln over the matter, but before Lincoln could say anything Clyde gasped aloud spotting a shadowy figure eerily watching the two from around the corner.

Time slowed down as from the ominous silhouette's hand emerged a slingshot with a red water balloon primed and ready to fire aiming directly at the unsuspecting Lincoln.

"Lincoln! Watch out!" Clyde cried out desperately pushing his friend out of the line of fire only to suffer getting hit directly in the face by the balloon with deadly accuracy

Clyde hit the ground hard now laying sprawled out on the floor, his face covered in the same white paste like cream that nailed Molly minutes before.

"Clyde! NO!" Lincoln cried out rushing to his side quickly wiping most of the cream off his face. "Speak to me buddy, speak to me!"

"...Lincoln...I...I'm…."

"What is it buddy? What is it?"

Just then Clyde's face started to bloat up like a pufferfish in aching pain making Lincoln jump in surprise.

"I'm ...apparently severely allergic to coconut cream."

"Uh ...yeah, I see that."

"Is it ...that obvious?"

"Oh no...no...no...not at all...barely, uh...notice it. Look, don't worry. I'll find out whoever did this to you no matter what, because this just got personal."

"But you can't possibly solve this case all by yourself! Not with a pranking maniac on the loose! He might know what you are allergic to too!"

"That's a risk I may just have to take...come on Clyde, we better get you to the nurse STAT."


	2. Act-II A Hard Boiled Case to Crack

Both Molly and Clyde were placed in the care of the Nurse, after Clyde took a surprise balloon shot to the face to save Lincoln he couldn't just sit idly by and let this balloon pelting prankster get away with it.

"Don't worry Clyde, I won't rest until sweet justice is served…." Lincoln whispered, placing a hand on his partner's sleeping shoulder as he and Molly were both bedridden and in need of long recovery after being pranked so hard.

"Visiting hours are now over, I suggest getting back to class soon Mr.Loud," the Nurse advised as she adjusted the pillow Molly's head was resting on.

"Right, sorry. I'll be going now ..." Lincoln said quickly heading towards the door only to stop in the doorframe. "And it's not Loud, it's Ace Savvy...detective Ace Savvy."

With that said Lincoln made a quick dash to the nearest janitor broom closet before making a quick change in attire.

"I did have a feeling this would come in handy today." Lincoln said unzipping his backpack revealing the newest Ace Savvy costume he had bought weeks ago but hasn't dared to tear the plastic packaging off, until today.

Minutes later he soon stepped out of the closet now dressed in his new superhero apparel, the pristine shine and glossy finish shimmering in the light made his heart swell with pride for he had the moral obligation to avenge his fallen crime fighting partner. He made a quick sprint back towards the scene of the crime only to turn around and hide behind the corner upon seeing the crowd of the uniformed hall monitors dressed in their golden sashes and white gloves currently investigating the scene, they had the entire hallway path blocked off with a wall like barrier of police tape to preserve every important detail of the crime scene as much as possible.

"Wow...either they got here pretty fast, or I took much longer putting on my customer than I thought I did."

Lincoln watched the officers before they suddenly stood at attention saluting in respect as the leading detective of this investigation finally made an appearance, he gritted his teeth silently angered by the sight of his rival Jack Robbin's arrival, a fellow 5th grader who like Lincoln had a knack for wanting to solve mysterious. But unlike Lincoln who got his inspiration from a comic book series and Jack preferred the classic hardcore black and white noir cuttthroat gangster films from the 1940's he and his father would watch together even at a very young age, it left an ever lasting impression in the 11 and a half year old that molded his mind to become the next best hard boiled crime solving detective in the mordern day age.

Dressed in a simple brown trench coat jacket and matching brown fedora to slightly obscure his civilian attire of a simple green turtleneck sweater, dark blue jeans, and even darker dress shoes. An unhappy mixed expression of utter unamusement and a clear distaste for the puddle of cream he stepped into upon his face. Yet he would still dip two fingers into the puddle sampling the dollop of cream against the surface of his tongue.

"...Hmm, coconut...Diabolical." he would say with a slight gag as his eyes fell upon the horrid crime scene.

"Detective Robbins! We are so glad you could assist us-" one of the male hall monitors began only to be silenced as Jack held up his index finger for a moment of silence fishing out from his coat pocket a sour apple lollipop sucker tearing the wrapper off and tossing it behind his shoulder into a nearby waste bin.

"...I can't think straight with a bad taste in my mouth, continue."

"As you may already be aware of Principal Huggins has launched a full scale investigation on the culprit responsible for such a mess."

"Emphasis on mess, and yes I am aware. I just finished sweeping the southern hallways for any loitering students out of class, these halls are under complete lockdown and anyone...and I mean anyone ...caught outside their classrooms, will have to answer to me personally. Is that clear?"

"Sir yes sir!" The squad announced in confirmation saluting once again.

It was at this point Lincoln knew if he was caught now detention was inevitable, so what did he have to lose? He soon walked out from his hiding spot and started nonchalantly approaching the lead detective from behind.

"Long time no see, Jack."

Immediately the spectating hall monitors drew their extendable rulers like police batons ready to tackle and arrest Lincoln as instructed, their actions were halted as Jack held up his hand before slowly turning around to see his old rival after so long.

"...Lincoln Loud, what are you doing here? This is an official crime scene, not another excuse to play dress up again." he said with a suspicious raise of an eyebrow.

"Listen, like it or not I am a part of this investigation, my best friend took a cream balloon shot to the face from the guy to protect me, so I'm finding out who it is no matter what."

Upon hearing this Jack's gaze looked Lincoln up and down before shrugging his shoulders with a genuinely amused scoff.

"...As much as I like your moxie Loud this is gonna take more than just running around these halls in colorful undies like some vigilante."

Several hall monitors joined in with Jack's laughter openly mocking Lincoln's rather questionable superhero attire.

"Well ...usually I wouldn't stand working with a crooked safety patrol cop like you ...but this case, is way bigger than the both of us. So I'm willing to put aside our differences if you are..."

"This coming from a lame superhero wannabe?" Jack asked soon pulling the sucker from his lips staring back at Lincoln, the gears grinding against each other as the young detective thought it over. "Huh...you know what? I can respect that, Loud."

"It's not Loud, it's detective Ace Savvy."

Jack narrowed his eyes leering at Lincoln before slowly pulling out from his coat a vanilla colored file.

"Ok fine, here's the case...Ace." he said with a roll of his eyes tossing it over to Lincoln.

To Lincoln's surprise it turns out this wasn't the only time an incident like this has taken place, the files proved that several other victims were found either tarred and feathered, covered in itching powder, or turned into a human sized pinata and left hanging without mercy all over the Royal Woods area. There was indeed a prank happy public menace on the loose.

"These are the first 3 victims huh? Charles Mundy, Luke Simmons, Tina Russo... all in the same grade too..."

"Yep, looks like our perp has a real grudge against the older 6th grade group. Worse vendetta I've seen in a long while..."

"Have you figured out a motive yet?"

"Not exactly, but every detective even with an I.Q. as small as yours should at least know there are always the 7 possible motives to a crime case like this."

"Unneeded insult aside you're right, it's...um...Money, love, revenge, greed, self defence, physical conflict, and power."

"Correct. And once we pinpoint the most likely motive, we find the suspect with the most to gain from said motive, and wrap out this case before lunch. Simple."

"Looks like you got this all planned out...a bit too well if you asked me."

"I didn't ask you, you got nothing on me because I didn't do it. Ask the head of the safety patrol, I was with him when the scream happened. Besides, you know I paid my dues already and salvaged what little reputation I have left of this safety patrol gig...you should know, since you're the one who ratted me out in the first place."

Lincoln would gasp aloud in surprise and gulped always dreading having to face Jack one day about this.

"How did you-?"

"I got eyes and ears everywhere Loud, once I got the book thrown at me and was suspended from the force for a whole month...so I had plenty of time to ask around."

"...Who told you?"

"You did, just now. I didn't even have to bother asking all your friends. Cause I know you would spill the beans anyway the moment you felt like I was onto you. That's textbook adept interrogation 101 chief, besides I could say it's kinda convenient that you were there when Molly got creamed but Clyde insists you were in class with him…..I figured he wouldn't rat you out even if you DID do it."

Lincoln would rub his arm feeling a quarter suddenly appearing in his pocket realizing he just got played like a cheap arcade game.

"Geez, you did get better at being a cop...I guess you're right, I shouldn't be suspicious of you just because we don't see eye to eye at times."

"No, no you shouldn't...but I'll clearly be the bigger man here and let it slide, since personal growth or whatever...this time."

"Um, thanks. So, got any leads at least?"

Jack would soon spot from the corner of his eye a shadowy figure spying on them from just around the corner nearby.

"...Just one, hey you! Freeze!" He shouted at the silhouette who quickly started running off in the other direction in an awful hurry with Jack in hot pursuit.

"Hey! Wait for me! Wait up!" Lincoln called out following close behind Jack.


	3. Act III-A Psychic Murder Of Crows

Jack was hot on the shadow figure's trail chasing the unknown suspect through the halls with Lincoln not too far behind, as for Lincoln the rush and the thrill of possibly nailing a bad guy had his heart pumping with pure adrenaline racing through his veins. It was enough to inspire his own unique point of view of the chase, imagining himself in the form of a muscular adult superhero version of his 11 year old body and Jack as a typical stone cold and gritty comic book police detective on the beat with the entire world around them converted into a dramatic hand drawn comic book like art style with each minute it's own panel displaying the action as Lincoln provided his own personal narration to go along with the spine tingling chase scene:

**The chase continued through the maze like halls of the school as the suspect took almost every left and right available desperate to try and get away from the valiant crime solving team that was me, my amazing muscular superhero physique, and to a lesser extent Jack. The halls seem to stretch for miles with every step as the chase continued, it was then I got an idea quickly separating from Jack to take an adjacent hallway as a shortcut planning to cut off the fleeing crook and serve them a plate of steaming hot justice!**

**The figure continued to run at top speed despite my cleverness to suddenly skid to a stop in front of them.****"Gotcha! Stop at once evildoer!" I shouted in confidence sure they would stop now that I was blocking their path.**

**But like a slippery slithering snake the suspect slid past my open legs with ease and continued sprinting down the halls with no trouble at all.**

**"Hey!" I shouted in frustration only to witness Jack valut over me like I was the hood of a police car before continuing the chase as well.****"At least you're using a brain cell for once!" He called back at me over his shoulder, a hint of laughter in his voice almost as if he was enjoying the chase.**

**I gritted my teeth annoyed I was behind him again but the idea of the suspect actually getting away from us made me even madder and even more determined to keep up. It was then we ran by a janitor's empty mop bucket, without the school Janitor being present it made the perfect makeshift cop car!**

**"Here, Jack! Take this!" I shouted grabbing the back of the bucket and pushing it forward with all my muscular might can muster.**

**Jack saw the wheeled bucket roll by him and quickly jumped on using the speed boost of the mobile bucket to start steadily catching up to the perp.**

**"Almost...got...you." he struggled to say as he reached for the mysterious figure's black cloak who suddenly turned to the right at the last second causing Jack to get flattened against a wall, I soon caught up to him wincing aloud as the guy looked like a flattened twitching human pancake against the wall.**

**"Oooh, s-sorry about that Jack." I say rather sheepishly rubbing the back of my head knowing I wanted to laugh so hard at such a hilarious sight right before he peeled his now aching face off the wall.**

**"...I don't know how yet, but I will get you back for this." He winced before suddenly falling backwards on the ground thus ending the comic book alternate reality sequence.**

"Ok so, where did the perp go?"

"No clue, they just vanished into thin air before I could catch 'em." Jack sighed standing back up cracking his back and dusting off the fedora that fell off his head soon replacing it back on top of his 50's style sleek greased back short black hair with one bang sharp yet jagged like a crooked scythe poking out over his right eye which fitted his entire old school demeanor quite well honestly.

A minute later Jack's gaze suddenly spotted a certain item that was left behind after the chase.

"Hang on a sec, what do we have here?" He asked quickly picking it up, it was a simple black writing pen with a vampire bat keychain motif attached to it. "Looks like our perp left behind some incriminating evidence."

"A vampire pen?...I think I know where we can find our suspect." Lincoln concluded narrowing his eyes and placing a hand against his chin.

A couple of minutes later the duo could be seen forcefully kicking a door barging into the classroom currently being occupied by a certain group of goth culture fanatics.

"Hands up! This is a raid!" Jack announced flashing his wallet to present a golden badge shimmering in the light.

At once the group gasped aloud holding their hands up realizing the two indeed had authority dropping their books, pens, and other obscure looking items of macabre nature.

"Well, would you look at that, a murder of crows." Jack announced flipping his wallet closed slipping it back into his coat.

"Uh, Jack? No one got murdered." Lincoln not so subtly whispered back to his partner who immediately gave himself a hard palm to the face.

"...Yes Lincoln, I know that. I was just trying to make a clever quip. You know, since ...they're goths, and they like crows and dead things …"

"Oh...we may need to work on that, like that was totally unclear."

"Tsk, whatever. Everyone's a critic…."

"Anyway so yeah, this is the Mortician's club. And they typically don't care for "outsiders" like us."

"Not unless you are invited to come here." Another voice suddenly broke the silence, everyone in the classroom looked to the back of the room to see the shadow silhouette sitting on top of a desk.

"You! Alright, we got you cornered. Now come quietly or else we will have to use f-" Jack began only to be caught off guard by the figure soon revealing herself so be the mysterious poet Haiku.

Jack's eyes almost shrunk to point of nonexistence watching her nonchalantly toss the thick black cloak she used to obscure her identity to the side before looking back at the two boys.

"F-f-f-f-f-f….." he continued like a broken record as his brain seemed to have shut off for a moment.

"Oh, heh. It was just you Haiku. Wow, you can run pretty fast in a dress, right Jack?...Jack?" Lincoln said before waving his hands in front of his partner's mindless stare finally bringing him back to consciousness.

"Uh, what? Y-Yeah...um, I uh, doubt there's anything harmful against school law going on here so we should just go." He suddenly offered, his expression looked quite eager to leave.

"What are you talking about? This is our only lead, we should at least question some of them." Lincoln declared before he started addressing the other members of the Mortician's Club practically bombarding them with questions about the string of crimes lately.

Meanwhile Jack felt moved to have his own alternate reality point of view, imagining the world around him in the form of a classic black and white noir film as he began his own inner detective's monologue:

_Lincoln continued running his mouth like a nonsense sputtering motor with no sense of direction of where he was going except a solid brick wall of no valuable information coming from these sideshow horror freak fanatics, still it didn't bother me none. What I was much more inclined to investigate was the darling dark haired dame that led the chase down this unknown path, fortunately for me lady luck had Lincoln knew her by name on a personal basis._

_Haiku, the name alone just rolls off the tongue like a sweet sugary sucker as it sounds like musical poetry to my ears. Time seemed to slow down in my eyes as those slender fingers of hers would lightly brush against that long shiny black hair of hers that only added to the alluring sense of her presence. She was like a priceless porcelain doll well kept and refined yet shrouded in a thick veil of mystery, a mystery I would be lying badly if I said I didn't want to solve with eyes that shimmered with glass like gloss that reflected my own thoughts back at myself. From the way she was staring back at me it was like she was staring directly at my soul, and either she liked what she saw…..or was too terrified to even muster up a scared look._

Once again, Jack was brought back into reality as Lincolns snaps his fingers in front of his face to get his attention.

"Hey Jack, are you alright? You usually don't zone out like that." Lincoln asked wondering why he was acting very strange unlike his usual super focused hard boiled persona.

"I'm fine, no worries. Just don't see any reason to waste anymore valuable time here-" Jack said only to feel the pen from earlier still resting in his pocket.

He would soon fish it out his pocket looking at the eerie writing utensil before turning his gaze back over to Haiku.

"...I...Figured you dropped this." He said extending his arm over to her direction wanting to give it back.

Recognizing the pen to be hers she would remove herself from on top of the desk approaching Jack reaching out, instead of accepting the pen right away she suddenly grabs his wrist much to his surprise turning his hand over so that his palm would face her. Slowly removing the pen from his fingers she placed her own index finger against his palm tracing the lines like she was reading a book.

"...Um, what are you doing?" He asked clearly confused by the action only to be quickly shushed by the tall ball kid Boris wearing the bright white lab coat.

"Silence mortal! She is reading your lifeline. Show your gratitude by being quiet." He hissed in sheer annoyance, almost a hint of jealousy in his voice.

"...You have quite an interesting past, with lots of layers. I shall read it aloud." Haiku suddenly announced to Jack's surprise.

"Uh, no no no. That's alright, no need to-Ow!" Jack said before wincing a bit as her grip grew tighter on his wrist almost cutting off the blood flow.

"...You were a clever, gritty, and relentless detective back in the earlier days of New York in a past life."

"Really? I was? Wait, how do I know this isn't just you telling me what I want to hear?" Jack asked, clearly a skeptic when it comes to anything dealing with the supernatural or the psychics who claim to have such abilities.

Haiku seemed to take the question as a challenge, soon closing her eyes her grip around his wrist grew looser while tracing her finger along a curved line across his palm.

"Hmmm…..does the name Booker, mean anything significant to you by any chance?" She suddenly asked with a slight smirk.

Jack's expression looked quite freaked out by the sudden question proving she did in fact detect something about his secret past.

"Ok, I think that is enough spooky junk for now! Thank you all for your time, me and my associate will be going now." Jack said retracting his hand away from Haiku now quickly pushing Lincoln outside the classroom.

The group of goths watched the two quickly flee from their realm, Haiku for one looked the most satisfied from the whole experience.


	4. Act-llll I Want To Play A Game

"...Dude, you've been staring at your own hand for a while now ...please, stop it." Lincoln said as he followed Jack down the halls a bit upset their only lead indeed turned out to be a deadend.

"...Huh? Oh uh, sorry. I guess I'm just a bit on edge, I just ...I wasn't expecting that."

"What? What Haiku did? That's just what goths do, they pretend they can see the past or predict the future. It's not that big of a deal."

"...Yeah, pretend."

Lincoln started to feel quite worried about Jack, his wide vacant stare made it seem like he had seen a ghost. Just then, the duo froze seeing yet another suspicious looking figure roaming the halls. This figure just so happened to be wearing a mysteriously creepy clown mask.

"Hey! You! Freeze!" Jack shouted quickly regaining his composure and sense of urgency, right away the clown masked stranger took off running with Jack right on their tale.

"Here we go again…" Lincoln said with a sigh, soon running after them as well.

Unlike the chase with Haiku this suspect was downright clumsy bumping into every corner and almost slipping several times, it only took a matter of seconds before Jack pounced on them like a vicious tiger harshly tackling the suspect to the ground. The two wrestled each other as the perp tried to wiggle his way out of Jack's grip his struggling hands were soon restrained behind his back with handcuffs.

"Ow! Stop! Help! Police brutality! Get off! I know my rights!" The suspect cried up as he was forced back onto his feet and was being jerked around by Jack finally being pinned against the lockers.

"Save it, with me you don't have any rights! Now stop resisting arrest!" Jack barked back against the suspect's protests, seconds later Lincoln soon arrived.

"Jack, cool it! You got 'em, just let the guy breathe!" Lincoln shouted stepping in as the good cop of this scenario getting his ruthless partner to back off and let the suspect off the lockers.

The suspect slumped down against the lockers panting aloud clearly exhausted already, seizing the opportunity Lincoln soon ripped off the creepy clown mask revealing that the perp was indeed Papa Wheelie, Lincoln and Rusty's old biker club leader.

"Papa Wheelie!?! What are you doing roaming the halls? And wearing this creepy clown mask for?"

"Isn't it obvious? He's Molly's prankster! Which explains the tire marks at the scene of the crime, a classic cream pie drive by! " Jack was quick to accuse.

"We don't know that for sure, Jack!" Lincoln insisted due to the lack of evidence being presented.

"Oh no? How do you explain this then?" Jack said tossing his partner a certain spray can of coconut cream.

"What the-? Where…?"

"It fell out of his pockets when I tackled him, he might as well have the word 'guilty' written all over his face." Jack concluded pointing a finger in the biker boy's direction who indeed looked as guilty as can be with an expression of regret clouding his face.

"But...Papa Wheelie...why?"

"I'm sorry! I had nothing against Molly personally I swear!"

"Then why did you do it!?! Why man, why?"

"They gave me an offer I couldn't refuse!"

"Wait, they? Who's they?"

"A couple of guys, all wearing clown masks like this one. They said they would give me a new Triple X Dynamo bike if I creamed Molly..."

"I hope the bike was worth it, cause you're looking at about 5 to 10 total hours of detention...but, if you are willing to cooperate with us I can bump down your sentence to just school community service." Jack offered to negotiate seeing how critical such a break in the case would be.

"Uh, yeah. Sure, no problem. I-I can show you where they told me to meet them, where I got the cream to make the pies."

"Smart man, alright I'll let the cuffs off ...but the moment you try anything I'll make sure you're scraping old gum off the gym bleachers by the end of the day. Got it?"

"Got it, no funny business." The biker agreed as Jack soon fished the small plastic key out of his pockets to unlock the handcuffs.

As promised Papa Wheelie led Jack and Lincoln to the location of the rendezvous with the mysterious group, appropriately being the Home Ec room for the Baking Club now currently empty at the moment.

"This is where I met those guys, they handed me a wagon full of cream spray cans and Molly's picture before leaving without a word. That's it." Papa Wheelie admitted rubbing his shoulder.

"...Hmm, we should take a look around." Jack said walking past the biker to start investigating the large room hoping to find some more clues or evidence.

Lincoln soon started doing the same checking the nearby waste basket to find the empty cans of coconut cream as expected but not much else. While the two detectives were distracted in their investigations a swarm of gloved hands suddenly covered Papa Wheelie's mouth to prevent him from screaming in surprise before being yanked back into the darkness, the door to the room soon slammed shut alarming the two right away. Seeing Wheelie had vanished Jack quickly rushed to the door trying to open it, but the door was propped closed by a wooden chair on the outside trapping them inside the room with no escape.

"Son of a-! That slippery weasel done played us!" Jack shouted as he kicked the bottom of his shoe against the door in anger.

The force of the kick echoed through the room as a hidden tape recorder bound by a colorful rainbow string soon fell from the ceiling catching their attention, Lincoln was the first to reach it pulling the small device free from the string before pressing play on the tape to start an audio message:

_"Hello friends, I would like to play a little game. Of which will require both of you to make more than a little stain..."_

"What kind of weird joke is this-?" Jack asked only to be quickly shushed by Lincoln who wanted to hear the rest of the message.

_"The objective of this game I have made very simple, what I ask is that you make this room you are trapped in pop...just like a pimple. You have exactly 10 minutes to solve this puzzle or else the school fire alarm will be triggered ...let the game begin."_

"Game? I'm not playing a game with a criminal!" Jack insisted shaking his head in protest.

"Unless you want to stay stuck in here we kinda don't have a choice, so are you gonna help me or not?"

"...Fine, what do we have to do?"

"You heard the recording, he said make the room pop, like a pimple."

"...Uh, ok?...And how do you propose we do that?"

Lincoln placed a hand to his chin before looking at the back of the tape recorder to find a list of food items scribbled on a piece of paper, a recipe.

"I think we are supposed to follow the recipe, start looking for the ingredients."

Jack nodded his head in agreement and the two split up scavenging through the large kitchen like room to find the items corresponding to the list: eggs, milk, cheese, butter, flour, baking soda, vinegar, and yeast. Grabbing a large enough metal bowl the two started to fill the bowl to max capacity with the many ingredients practically dumping everything in all at once.

"Ok, now what?" Jack would ask looking quite confused wondering how this was gonna help them escape the room.

"Well obviously we have to bake it. Come on, we don't have that much time left!" Lincoln said quickly grabbing the bowl and chucking it into the available oven only to freeze looking at the timer.

Unfortunately the instructions on the tape recorder didn't specify any set amount of time to bake the mix leaving Lincoln quite confused, that's when Jack had a detective's hunch seeing the 10 minutes being mentioned again at the top of the recipe .

"...10 minutes to complete the puzzle."

"Huh?"

"Set the oven to 10 minutes to bake!"

Jack quickly turned the knob to exactly 10 minutes and the oven started to hum to life baking the batter mix.

"Alright, how much time do we have left before the fire alarm goes off?"

Jack looked up at the classroom clock hanging above their heads, the clock itself was painted with a creepy clown face just to add a final touch to the level of rising suspense of the situation at hand.

"About…. Oh man, in about 2 minutes! That's not enough time to...to…..wait a minute. Uh, Lincoln?"

"Yeah?"

"What usually happens when you mix baking soda and vinegar together?"

Lincoln placed a hand to his chin thinking about the question for a moment before his eyes dilated in realization of what they just did, they both slowly turned their heads to see the bubbling concoction baking in the oven rapidly start to blow up to monstrous size.

"Hit the deck!" They both shouted as Lincoln and Jack ducked down moments before the oven erupted with an endless wave of bubbling batter quickly flooding the floor and rising up to their knees with no signs of stopping.

"Huh…..Welp, I guess this is how I die ...I kinda always figured I'd kicked the bucket at an old age ... skiing down a mountain during a snowstorm or rock climbing in the rain ...or swimming with a bunch of sharks even." Jack said surprisingly very casually as he and Lincoln started to rise with the levels of batter quickly getting closer and closer to the ceiling.

"...You got problems Jack, I just want you to know that."

"...You know you're not the first to tell me that."

Before they could begin to start drowning the door that was struggling to contain the mess suddenly burst open letting the flood of batter fill the halls draining the room sparing their lives as a result, the two detectives could be found face down in the now ruined hallways covered from head to toe in batter stains yet still alive nonetheless.

"...Geez, of all days the school Janitor calls in sick." Lincoln winced seeing the horrid aftermath of their escape.

"...Hey Lincoln, let me see that tape recorder again." Jack suddenly asked to which his partner obliged handing over the small device.

Upon further investigating the recorder Jack opens the compartment that held the tape inside finding a smiling jester motiff joker card also hidden inside, he would hold up the card at eye level staring intently at it.

"My greatest triumph, collecting the signature calling card of an utterly criminal mastermind…..the Jester."


	5. Act lllll: Unlikely Human Resources

After a much needed quick shower in the boys locker room the bell had rang and it was finally lunchtime, in the lunchroom Lincoln decided to be courteous and invite Jack to sit at his usual table with his small group of friends who were indeed surprised to see Lincoln hanging out with his rival.

"So, are you two like...friends now?" Liam asked, the orange haired boy taking a huge bite of his grilled baloney and cheese sandwich.

"Eh, more like associates at this point." Lincoln preferred.

"Just until we solve this crazy mess of a mystery, then we're back to being hated enemies." Jack nodded in agreement.

The other boys looked at each other in confusion but simply shrugged their shoulders under the impression that such a complex form of friendship was probably the best for their rivalry to continue. Yet Jack didn't even touch his tray of food yet, he just seemed a bit...off. Holding the tape recorder close to his ear he kept repeating the cryptic message over and over again as if trying to mentally decipher the distorted voice on the other end, the somewhat emotionless stare made Lincoln start to worry. Before Lincoln could even attempt to take a bite out of his sandwich however a chime echoed from above as the school's intercom system switched on:

"Could Lincoln Loud and Jack Robbins please come to the Principal's office. I repeat, could Lincoln Loud and Jack Robbins please come to the Principal's office. Thank you."

Lincoln gulped with concern as he and Jack shared the same worried expressions on their faces. The two reported to the Principal's office as asked, the older man looking quite peeved at the moment from the disappointed glare in his eye.

"A flood...you two caused a flood of batter….. in the Home Ec room. Now I'd expect this to happen by some no-good foolish hooligans, but you two? You should know better."

"Principal Huggins please, before you throw the book at us you gotta at least hear us out first!" Lincoln practically pleaded. "You see, we had to make a flood in the Home Ec room because if we didn't the fire alarms would have gone off, and sprinklers, and fire trucks would be here, and...and...um, Jack! Quick! Show him the tape recorder!"

Jack did so pulling out the tape recorder as irrefutable evidence to at least prove their actions were swayed to the lesser of the two evils. Principal Huggins raised an eyebrow in great concern seeing the small device being placed on his desk, he even took the liberty of pressing the play button to listen to the mastermind's message himself.

"...This case, is a lot bigger than we thought." Jack said finally as soon as the tape reached the end of the message thus clearing their names for such a catastrophe.

"...You said you would take care of this problem Jack. I believe 'No worries," and "I can handle this case," were your _exact_ words. Were they not?"

"Y-Yes but-"

"You know our agreement Mr.Robbins ...and so far I am not seeing much of a promise or anything ressauring."

"Please Chief, I-I just need more time to solve this case. It's clear Jester is not working alone here!"

"Wait wait wait ...hold on a sec, who is this Jester you speak of?"

"The guy on the tape of course! Who else could I be referring to-look the bottom line is, this isn't just some bunch of clowns pulling pranks for fun. They are much more organized, sophisticated even. And they just seem to be getting started….."

Principal Huggins slowly leaned back in his chair, his eyes squinting as his gaze become fixated on the two boys….it would be a full minute and a half before the man breathed another word.

"...Alright, you're right. This is much more pressing of a concern than I thought. I will excuse you two of the Home Ec disaster, but this doesn't excuse any future messes either. So consider yourselves lucky I'm letting you off the hook so easily this time, is that clear?"

"Sir yes sir!" Lincoln and Jack shouted back saluting in respect before quickly leaving the man's office.

While walking through the halls Jack looked quite frustrated angrily gritting his teeth as they cried out in mercy.

"WHO IS JESTER!?!" He shouted suddenly slamming his fist into a nearby locker before grabbing both sides of his head in aggravated rage.

"Jack! Cool it! There is no need to make a scene." Lincoln urged having to stand in front of him to prevent a group of kids from noticing the small yet quite noticeable dent in the locker.

"You don't understand Lincoln, I'm racing against the clock here and we're miles away from solving this case!"

Jack continued wailing on the same locker even headbutting it a couple of times, Lincoln was just glad Jack preferred getting his anger out this way rather than beating up other kids or else he would be a much more vicious bully than he was a passionate officer.

"Ok something else is clearly going on here ...I know solving this case is really important, for safety in the halls or whatever that Safety Patrol motto is but…..Why are you so obsessed with finding this perp?"

"Because!..." Jack suddenly barked getting up close and personal in Lincoln's face only to take a step back, take a deep breathe and calmed down. "Just because...look, I really need to solve this case because... I'm not even on the force technically."

"Wait...You what?!?"

Lincoln was quickly shushed by the newly revealed ex-cop before he continued the much needed explanation.

"The chief only let me back on temporarily, he didn't even give me back my badge...just this sticker!" Jack admitted pulling out his wallet to reveal the shimmering badge from before was indeed just a shiny plastic sticker with the quality of a cereal box toy. "And I won't get it back until I prove I changed and can actually protect these halls the right way...I need to prove myself, by finding out who Jester is, and bringing him down...HARD!"

Lincoln fell silent slowly comprehending this large flood of personal information of his once former foe, he soon placed his hand on Jack's shoulder to help reassure him.

"...Then I think I know who we need to talk to."

The two quickly walked down the halls right before another male student arrived only to drop his books to see his locker completely thrashed.

"Hey! What the-!"

A quick fast forward to the official end of the school day Lincoln could be seen leading Jack down the sidewalk, he didn't even specify who they were planning to meet no matter how many times Jack asked who soon started to get an idea upon watching Lincoln walk up to the front door of his house.

"Uh Lincoln, not to burst your bubble or anything but I don't have time for a "kiddy playdate" when there is a pranking menace still on the loose."

"Will you drop the hard boiled cop routine for a minute and just trust me on this? If we want info on how to catch this pranking punk is, we go to the best of the best."

"Best of the best? And who would that be?"

"The dreaded queen of pranking herself...follow me."

Luan Loud, also known as the Kingpin of Comedy Pranking has had the market locked down at such a young age proof that she was nothing less of a prodigy in the art of clowning. Unfortunately, she got the wrong end of the stick and had the book thrown at her after one of her hidden dye-pack bombs went off a couple of minutes too early at her school gym and instead of hitting the band geeks like she wanted she got the cheerleading team who was practicing at the time. They pleaded for Luan's punishment which the sentence was a couple short days of school suspension, now bound to the walls of her home the rest of the Loud family wanted to keep themselves safe by insisting she is kept behind a thick wall of safety glass in her room like the insane criminal mastermind she was. As the two detectives slowly entered the bedroom all they could see on the other side of the glass wall was the back of a tall chair and a record player currently playing a record of circus bebop. Jack took a step forward only to have his arm grabbed by Lincoln who looked quite worried for his safety.

"Careful, even though she is behind glass, she can still get into your mind." He warned.

"...Heh, I wish her good luck with that, a detective's mind is a steel bear trap." Jack insisted as he continued slowly approaching the wall of glass.

As he walked his own alternate reality point of view started to kick in again, re-imagining the world around him in black and white noir as the record player changed its tune to fit the atmosphere filling the room with a suspenseful form of slow jazz. Finally coming face to face with the glass barrier Jack would knock against the glass three times:

*Knock*

*Knock*

*Knock*

"Royal Woods Safety Patrol Force, I'd like to have a word with you." He would announce with confidence and purpose, unable to see the pair of sinister eyes suddenly strike open in the dark as a twisted smile slowly form just below those eyes.

The chair slowly turned around to show Luan dressed in a prisoner's jumpsuit sitting comfortably in her seat with one leg on top of the other, she had the kind of malicious grin that glowed with secrets.

"...Hello Lincoln, who's your friend?" She asked in such a nerve racking casual matter.

"This is Jack Robbins, a detective from the Safety Patrol Force. He's helping me get to the bottom of this pranking conspiracy and right now, we got nothing…" Lincoln explained waking up to the glass and now standing next to Jack.

"Oooh, a pranking conspiracy you say? Sounds quite, delicious. Do I detect a hint of cream in the equation? Perhaps ...coconut cream?"

"It was you! Wasn't it!?! Don't you dare lie to me!" Jack suddenly shouted, Lincoln having to keep him at bay standing in between Jack and the glass.

"Jack! You're not thinking! How could she possibly do it!?! She has been under surveillance here for the past couple of days, there is no way she could have been a part of this!" Lincoln insisted, getting Jack to calm down, Luan looking quite entertained by the sudden outburst.

"Even if I did have something to do with it like I'd be scared of some Safety Patrol cop! Hahaha!" Luan teased clearly egging on Jack's bad cop short temper.

"You're just lucky you're already behind bars, or else you would be dealing with me." Jack said with a huff crossing his arms.

"Heh, yeah sure. I'll keep that in mind." The pranking prisoner snickered letting her chin rest on her fist.

"Please Luan, we really have to solve this case. This is a lot more complex than it sounds and only a pranking mastermind like you can help us." Lincoln said hoping genuine flattery will coax her into helping, she soon placed a hand to her chin thinking it over.

"...Well, usually I would never consider helping a bunch of prank narcs like you two...but since you're my brother I guess I can...just this once."

"Really? Thanks so much Luan-"

"Ah-bup-bup! But in return for my services, you ask Mom and Dad to shorten my sentence. Sound like a deal?"

"Ugh ...getting help from a pranking psychopath to help get another pranking psychopath while helping the first pranking psychopath get out of punishment?"

"I'm waiting, do we have a deal or not?" Luan sighed looking at her nails pretending to be quite bored of the conversation.

Lincoln looked over his shoulder back at Jack who simply shrugged his shoulders in response, he would sigh aloud before looking back at Luan.

"Alright, you got yourself a deal."

"Great! Now then ...how can I be of assistance?"


	6. Act III-III: Following The Clown's Steps

"Ok, hold up...YOU'RE the one who supplied the cream cans!?!" Lincoln shouted in sheer shock of Luan's confession.

"Oh yes, my best customer in a long while buying up all the coconut cream I had in stock."

"Aha! She admits to aiding the enemy! We should extend your school suspension sentence to a month for this!" Jack added

"Are you sure you don't want to take a seat before you do? I'm sure your feet must be exhausted, from jumping to conclusions! Haha!"

The two detectives groaned aloud in unison at such a terrible joke, Luan continued to laugh for a few more seconds before finally slowing to a stop wiping a tear from her eye.

"Ahhhh, that was a good one. But seriously, you ain't got jack on me Jack, I'm purely innocent here. You can't arrest the seller, only the buyer. Everyone knows that, duuuuh."

"Dang, she's right." Jack said snapping his fingers annoyed at himself for forgetting such a crucial detail.

"Not a total loss, we just need to find the buyer and the motive." Lincoln offered.

"Yeah, but unless the buyer is Jester I can only see another deadend in our future." Jack said with a sigh.

"It's called being optimistic, you should really try it sometime. It would make you 10x more likeable ...maybe."

"Wait, who is Jester?" Luan suddenly asked.

"The head honcho of the whole operation we think, show her the card."

Jack did so, holding up the creepy smiling clown motiff card up to the glass wall for Luan to see. She would squint her eyes putting a hand to her chin studying the card before snapping her fingers recalling something.

"Hey, I've seen this design before. From the buyer,"

"Do you know the name of the guy who bought from you?"

"Sorry, but thats standard customer confidentiality. Besides, I wouldn't know. He does all his purchasing either on the phone or video call on my laptop with the cam turned off and the audio in a disguised voice, I recognize the card because that was the profile icon but that's just about it."

"Sounds like the 'Papa Smurf' figure we're looking for alright." Jack said with some confidence sounding a bit more optimistic now.

"The only problem is we can't really confirm a suspect with only a clown profile pic and a distorted voice." Lincoln quickly reminded.

"...Lincoln, I think you should be more optimistic." Jack said with a sigh getting an annoyed look from his partner.

"Anyways thanks for your help Luan, and I'll be sure to mention your help with the case to Mom and Dad in hopes for a shorter sentence."

"No problem, but hey just throwing an idea out there. Why don't you ask Lisa to do some science junk to figure out who left the message?" Luan offered, to which Lincoln gave himself a palm to the face.

"Of course! Lisa! She can crack this case wide open! Thanks again Luan!"

With that said the two detectives left the room in search of the fun sized genius scientist.

"No biggie, just hope you two rent-a-cops catch bad guys better than you catch donuts."

"...That was a cop joke, and I take great offense to that." Jack interjected poking his head back into the room only to get yanked back out by Lincoln.

There was a respectful knock on the door of Lisa's bedroom before said door was kicked open and Jack entered.

"Safety Patrol Business! Nobody move!" He shouted posing in a ready fighting stance.

"Lincoln! Stop kicking those doors!" Lynn Sr. shouted from downstairs.

"S-Sorry Dad! Won't happen again...Dude, seriously. Chill, before you get me in trouble."

"...And that affects me, how?"

"You're unbelievable ...Hey, Lisa!"

Lisa Loud, the vastly intelligent little sister of Lincoln Loud was currently at her desk occupied, working on a fancy looking new scientific device that greatly resembled a black tube like container coated in colorful buttons and bulbs. Lincoln soon walked up behind her wanting to get the younger sister's attention.

"Lisa, could you-" he was quickly silenced by Lisa raising her index finger up for a moment of quiet before pressing the start button on the machine.

Right away the small device started to smoke and sputter angrily before popping upon revealing a tray of freshly made ooey gooey nachos which the Loud sister took a chip and flicked it into her hungry mouth chewing before looking back at Lincoln.

"...Instant nachos. *gulp* Can't work on a cure for measles on an empty stomach now can I? Now, to what do I owe this unexpected visit for older sibling unit?"

"We need you to run audio data analysis on the disguised voice on this tape recorder." Lincoln said placing the tape recorder on her desk for her to see.

"And while you're at it maybe check for some fingerprints on this clown card." Jack added placing the joker card on the table as well.

"Good thinking Jack, Jester must have had his fingers on the card in order to hide the card in the tape recorder himself."

"Ooh, I always did like dabbling in forensics. I am quite thorough in my research so it will take quite a while." Lisa advised downing another ooey gooey nacho chip before getting to work.

"As long as we finally get promising progress I don't care how long it takes." Jack said dusting his hands, only to now notice the dried ink like residue on his fingers most likely from the clown card.

He placed a hand to his chin rubbing his colored fingers together deep in thought, it was clear the card was a custom made design by an artist. Maybe if he asked the "right people" around town someone may be able to recognize the art style, but that would require Lincoln not coming with him for safety reasons. Taking out his cellphone he made sure the camera's flash was off discreeting taking a crisp and clear photo of the clown card before tucking the phone away in his coat again.

"I think we got a lot done today, I think I should be heading out now. Let me know what your sister finds Lincoln." Jack said quickly turning around and taking his leave without another word.

"Oh uh ok, bye."

"...Quite the new companion you have acquired." Lisa commented a bit invested in the other boy's classic detective theme.

"We're not friends Lisa." Lincoln quickly tried to correct.

"Eh, could've fooled me ...if my hunch is correct you two have been at this for a while already haven't you?"

"...All day actually."

"Mhm ...chemistry."

"What about chemistry?"

"You two have great chemistry, you're the very optimistic type and I can only infer he's the results oriented problem solving type, such a match-up can only best described as optimal efficiency to completing tasks. Therefore, I concluded that you two are allies in some fashion."

"Well, sorry Lisa but you're wrong."

"Oh?...Care to enlighten me?"

"There's ...not much to tell really, we just can't stand each other at times. He's kinda my rival in a sense."

"You're rival…..uh huh."

It was clear the Loud sister wasn't exactly believing such words despite Lincoln trying to be as honest as possible, it felt like he was the one being interrogated by a civilian for once.

"You mind shedding some light on this so called, "rivalry" you speak of?"

"Huh? Oh uh, yeah. It all started out when me and Clyde wanted to join the Safety Patrol Force ..."

"Wait, you WANTED to join the Safety Patrol?" Lisa asked in genuine surprise trying to hold bit a sudden snickering fit.

"Hey! The Safety Patrol Force is cool!"

"Tsk, says the boy wearing a superhero onesie."

"Which I think is also cool! You forget, this is the same guy who walks around the house in just my underwear."

"Eeeeeeh, I try so hard to forget every single time you have done that. But alas, my flawless memory skills have proven to be a curse as much as a blessing ...anyways, continue."

"Yeah well, me and Clyde worked hard to get into the force but didn't make the cut."

"Shocker."

"Mmm."

"Sorry, continue."

"...Anyways, we didn't get the two open positions but Jack and some other guy did. And ever since then I felt...angry towards him I guess."

"Mmm, sounds more like envy which is very common in soon to be young adolescents such as yourself."

"...Huh?"

"Your jealousy is normal."

"Ack! What could I possibly be jealous of Jack for? He's short tempered, self-destructive, and even condescending at times!"

"...Yet, you still agreed to be partners and have made it. And if anything all those aspects of Jack is just proof he just really needs a friendly face to open up to, like how you are with Clyde."

Lincoln placed a hand to his chin in deep thought never looking at the situation that way, he started rubbing his shoulder now feeling quite sheepish about judging his partner's many…many imperfections and sometimes questionable methods of action.

"Wow, you...really think so?"

"Nope, just a sound theory. I have been wrong before so take my advice or not, I still get the required 8 hours of respiratory recovery at night."

Lincoln sighed aloud and rolled his eyes knowing Lisa was using some form of psychology on him, so he might as well take a seat pulling up a nearby chair and sitting down on it backwards still facing Lisa watching closely as she finally began her forensic work on the tape and card.

Meanwhile it was the late afternoon as Detective Robbins was browsing around the downtown Royal Woods area, from his point of view everything was cloaked in a rich shade of grey as large storm clouds started to roll in from the distance soon taking shelter from the impending rain shower at his desired destination, Sid's Place.


	7. SWC Act IIII-III: Sid's Place

Sid's Place could best be described as if a small corner store cafe and a tough biker tattoo shop had a child together. The entire left side of the store was a simple quaint little barista counter to order coffee and several tables where the hipster crowd liked to hang out while the entire right side had comfy looking chairs dedicated to customers who desired to have parts of their bodies artistically pierced or colored in some fashion.

It's been quite a while since Jack has last entered Sid's place on account of some bad ties with this place over the past couple of months, if memory serves a Safety Patrol Force cop's face was definitely the last thing wanted around here so Jack was careful enough to pull down the rim of his fedora just a bit to keep the majority of his face from being seen by the shop patrons as he walked past a few of them making his way to the barista's counter.

"Hey, sorry kid but you seem a little bit too young to be drinking coffee." The teenage barista warned upon watching the young detective take a stool at his counter.

"Trust me, I wouldn't be caught dead drinking that mud you call coffee. But what I am thirsty for is some info…"

Jack pulled out his cellphone pulling up the picture of the sinister clown joker card placing it on the counter for the barista to see.

"I'm looking for the artist behind this custom made joker card, know where I can find them?"

"...Uuuuhhhh ...Sorry kid, I don't know anything about art." The teen said wiping his pimple coated nose with his uniform sleeve sniffing. "Why don't you ask one of our tattoo artists? They can probably help you better than I can."

Jack sighed a bit taking back his phone slipping it back into his pocket.

"I would but I kinda made more enemies than friends ...if any, so me showing my face to them would most likely cause some trouble, and I don't think your boss pays you enough to clean up the mess afterwards. K?"

"Heh, true. Right on, I guess."

"My, don't you have a way with words." A sudden yet oh so familiar voice caught the young detective's attention making him look over to the stool next to him.

Much to his surprise it was the gothic poet and palm reader Haiku mysteriously appearing out of thin air somehow sitting on the neighboring stool enjoying a freshly made cup of warm tea while facing the opposite direction yet was still able to listen to their conversation.

"Oh, it's just you dollface. Funny, I didn't take a skirt like you for the type to come to a place like this."

"What a coincidence, I didn't figure you to be the type who jump to conclusions so often." She calmly retorted back before taking a long sip of her tea.

"Alright, you got me there. But what else can I do? I got a case that needs to be solved and I got little to no evidence to actually pin down a perp. I'm at my wit's end over here."

"Really now? The best detective on the Safety Patrol giving up so soon? What a shocking development."

"Ok besides listing all my faults with unneeded sarcasm, why are you here?"

"I always come here after school, this is my uncle's place after all."

A loud record scratch echoed inside Jack's head as his eyes dilated upon hearing that.

"Wait ...you mean, Sid...is your uncle?" He asked before realizing a very familiar large shadow slowly formed over him, Jack slowly turned around and looked upwards at the towering behemoth of a biker that was the store owner Sid himself.

Best described as a hulking light pale grey bald giant Sid's usual biker gang leader attire was cold hard leather covered in chains and spikes with a mural of colors of various tattoos he had acquired over the years.

"Well well well, if it isn't the detective wannabe runt from the westside of town, coming into MY shop unannounced and has the nerve to talk directly to MY niece!?!!" The giant growled angrily cracking his knuckles loudly.

Jack looked like he was about ready to run for his life when he gasped lightly feeling Haiku's hand suddenly grasp his shoulder.

"He's just a friend from school Uncle Sid, that's it." She explained rather calmly, Sid stared down at the two children before exhaling sharply through his nose like a snorting bull.

"...Be careful of the company you keep hun." He finally said turning around and walking away, Jack let out a sigh of relief feeling his heart racing.

"Th-Thanks for that doll-I mean, Haiku."

"It's nothing, really. And ...Dollface works fine too."

The two shared a smile together right before Jack noticed the back of Sid's spiked jacket having a creepy juggling clown design eerily similar to the very work of the mystery artist he is after.

"Hey, Sid! Mind if I have a word with you?" The young detective called out leaving the barista counter to chase down the much taller man.

"Bah! I have no desire to talk to the likes of you, just letting you in here is sickening enough to me. Now leave me be!" The man called back with a disapproving shoo of his hand.

At this point Jack was sick and tired of being belittled by this man, for he knew the real truth why Sid was so spiteful towards him.

"Sid, you don't have a problem with me, you have a problem with my Dad wanting to invest in this store knowing he will try and take over the store ...isn't that right?"

The entire shop suddenly went silent, only the sound of coffee being brewed in the background can be heard as everyone waited for Sid's response to the question.

"...This has been my business, my pride and joy I have been nurturing all my life for as long as I can remember. Than, the likes of that man has the nerve ...THE ABSOLUTE NERVE to try and buy my store from me. He makes offer after offer, bigger and bigger, but still I say no to him. I say to him no amount of money in the world can buy Sid's Place from Sid. It is my shop, always has been and always will be..."

The shop remained quiet for a whole minute until one hipster started to clap, then two, then four. It wasn't long before the entire shop roared with applause for Sid's speech against selling out to larger big name companies.

"Well Sid, I'm not my Dad. I don't have anything against you, so isn't that a little unfair to have a grudge against me for something I had nothing to do with?" Jack finally asked once the roaring applause started to die down a little.

"...Yes, I-I see your point now. It just hurts now...because me and your father, we used to be good friends in the past ...but things change. Sometimes, I wonder if that man even has a soul anymore."

"Well...I guess that's one thing we can agree on. But Sid, it would really mean a lot if you could help me figure something out. Please."

"...What exactly are you trying to find out, tiny detective?"

"I have a hunch that whoever made this card and the design on your back is, or is possibly working with the kingpin crook terrorizing my school ...with pranks."

"This does sound quite serious, blatantly preventing others from receiving their much needed education with pranks, is the worst crime imaginable. I will help you tiny detective, for the sake of my niece and her education." Sid said embracing Haiku with a quick hug.

"Great, now we can finally get somewhere. Let's see Lincoln top this."

Meanwhile back at the Loud House Lincoln was in the process of practice interrogating the kitchen fridge frisking its contents for the needed ingredients necessary to properly prepare a full length sub sandwich when Lisa walked in with clipboard in hand.

"Greetings older sibling unit,"

"Hey Lisa, want a sandwich?"

"Maybe later, I got the fingerprint results you asked for."

"Really!?! Awesome! So tell me, who's the perp that's going down?"

"Mmm, kinda hard to say really, seeing that the fingerprints on the card...are actually yours."

"What!?!"

"Ha, just kidding."

"Oh."

"But seriously, not only are your fingerprints on this card but Jack's own too... Next time I suggest you two handle gloves when carrying incriminating evidence."

"So you found no one else?"

"Oh I did. 3 others to be exact."

"What? 3?"

"Mhm, come see."

Lisa gestured for Lincoln to follow her back upstairs to see the full results of the DNA fingerprint scanner. Turns out the card in question has a whole bunch of fingerprints on it, and to Lincoln's complete shock several owners of the prints being displayed he recognized as members of the Safety Patrol!


End file.
